Super Bowl XLI : Sadly, No Dain Bramage Covers In Prince’s Sack Of Tricks

Posted in Gridiron at 7:59 pm by

Colts 19, Bears 14 (3:54 remaining, 3rd quarter)

(anybody taking odds on Morris Day for the MLS All-Star Game halftime show?)

It would be the understatement of the night to say the elements have played havoc with this fumblerooski fest. And I have to question the NFL’s level of preperation —- surely they could’ve asked diminutive strongman David Samson to singlehandedly construct a roof during Prince’s halftime show?

I realize I’m not gonna win any awards for live blogging, but Sportsline’s Gregg Doyel is having a Garo Yepremian-esque Super Bowl. For instance, “I really think Deadspin readers might like me. I’m snarky like Will Leitch.” “Remember how I called ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio something between ‘aggressive’ and ‘felonious’ as a basketball player? I think he’s mad at me. I just got the evil eye and a wincing hello.”

One of the keys to this self-referential shit is that the person responsible should be halfway interesting in their own right. Or at least not so completely transparent in their desperate attempts to fashion a personality cult out of thin air. Not that I would know anything about such subjects, but it blows my mind that Doyel — attending the fucking Super Bowl, folks — is using his valuable laptop time to look up personal details about Deadspin commentators who are making fun of him. Hey, I’m not above doing the same thing, but that sort of behavior is a) not something an adult would brag about and b) is best devoted to the hours of say, two or three a.m., as opposed to the 2nd quarter of THE BIGGEST SINGLE SPORTING EVENT ON EARTH.

If any of you amateurs would like press credentials to say, the Final Four, Kentucky Derby, Daytona 500 or Stanley Cup Finals, be sure let the authorities know that you intend to use the event as an excuse to further some bizzaro personal agenda. Lord knows, Sportsline’s traffic and advertising revenues are glued to Doyel’s ability to keep up his end of a worked feud. Not with Will Leitch, mind you, but Will Leitch’s acolytes. No paraphrase Dan Zanes, “good luck to all bloggers.”

Except Gregg Doyel.

Who knew that Steve Lyons had experience building websites?

7 Responses to “Super Bowl XLI : Sadly, No Dain Bramage Covers In Prince’s Sack Of Tricks”

  1. Ben Schwartz says:

    Re Superbowl commercials — does anyone want to eat a Snickers bar after watching two guys eat from opposite ends of the bar until their lips touch and then, recoiling from the gay vibe, rip off their own chest hair? And what about the retarded gay guy with the comb over in the Sierra Mist ads? I wouldn’t touch that shit now. And why was Tracy Morgan in the dojo version of that one at all? He had ONE line. Also, the Bud Light commercials all have the same theme of guys who will lie and cheat because they’re so desperate for a Bud Light. I don’t drink the stuff, but how expensive is it? If I went by the commercials, I’d have to say $40 a bottle, because these people are dying for one. Why does a pathetic juniie vibe make the product attractive? I thought the Coke Grand Theft Auto parody was funny; the Letterman-Oprah spot; and all the Eddie Murphy NORBIT ads cracked me up with Murphy in the fat lady suit jumping on the bed and the bed flattening under “her.” Forget Martin Lawrence’s “Mama’s House” franchise, African-American fat lady suits are box office gold right now. I mentioned Oprah-Letterman, right? I gotta say tho, with Murphy nominated for an Oscar, everytime a NORBIT ad drops he must lose 20 f’n votes.

  2. maura says:

    the way he gave each of his blog entries a dateline was cute. because, you know, in the third quarter? he might pick up and go to … orlando!

  3. GC says:

    I was working on a joke about a “snicker-doodle”, Ben, but honestly, I passed out before finishing it.

    Don’t be dissing Martin Lawrence. Not around here, anyway. I can’t wait for “Black Knight 2″. And we both know were it not for the exposure afforded by the first Big Mama movie, Paul Giamatti might still be playing nebishy, socially repressed characters…ah, never mind.

  4. Ben Schwartz says:

    Fair enough on Martin Lawrence, Gerard, I haven’t seen NORBIT yet — but we’ll know who owns the padded African-American fat lady suit when it comes out, Martin or Eddie. I mean, Martin did steal the fat suit from Eddie’s NUTTY PROFESSOR remakes, right? You saw what Eddie’s capable of there, and now that he’s doing it in drag, too — well, just you wait. Martin’s WILD HOGS hardly looks as promising.

  5. Repoz says:

    Robert Goulet nicking his old ’66 TV show “Blue Light” (ha! you blinked…you missed it!…17 ep’s of pompous Goulet-bliss!) in the one ad was a thing of beauty!

  6. Jon Solomon says:

    I’m just sad I won’t be able to see Maura turning to say “what?” after this Snickers ad airs a second time…


  7. Don says:

    Dain Brammage, Jet Boys, Lunchmeat

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