05.26.08

The Heck With The Kinsey Report : Modern Sexuality, The Maury Allen Way

Posted in Baseball at 1:16 pm by

The only way the following excerpts from Maury Allen‘s latest entry for Columnists.com could be improved upon would be if you closed your eyes and imagined them being read aloud by Hank Kingsley. (Link swiped from Repoz and Baseball Think Factory)

Jackie Robinson™s plaque at the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York does not mention the fact that he was the Major Leagues™ first African American in the 20th century.

Former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey stood up at his resignation press conference and announced, œI am a gay American.

Sometimes we get too little information. Sometimes we get too much.

Mike Piazza retired last week as one of the game™s greatest catchers and surely will be a Hall of Famer with his .308 lifetime average over 16 seasons with 427 home runs.

I hope they put on his plaque, œI™m a heterosexual American.

Piazza, the discovery of Tommy Lasorda, a boyhood pal of Piazza™s father, Vince, in their hometown of Norristown, Pennsylvania and the ball player™s godfather, is the only announced heterosexual in baseball history.

Babe Ruth never had to announce that nor Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays, Hank Greenberg, Stan Musial or Bob Feller. Nobody else ever did in the game™s history.

On January 29, 2005, Piazza married Playboy Playmate Alicia Rickter. One newspaper photo of the handsome guy with his gorgeous wife ended the gay rumors. On February 5, 2007, Nicoletta Veronica Piazza was born to the happy couple.

On July 31, 2013 Mike Piazza will be standing at his Hall of Fame induction in Cooperstown before 60 living Hall of Famers and 10,000 fans. I expect him to announce, œI am a very gay heterosexual American Hall of Famer.

At the risk of cutting and pasting from myself for a change, is there no evidence more irrefutable of a man’s heterosexuality than his getting married to a lady, especially in a highly publicized ceremony.

Rather than contine to mock Piazza for a public statement that seemed to spread rumors faster than it refuted any, I might consider how his career would’ve changed had he announced “I am a gay American who will soon be moved to first base”.

2 Responses to “The Heck With The Kinsey Report : Modern Sexuality, The Maury Allen Way”

  1. JohnO says:

    http://www.thecolumnists.com is a great looking website, too!

  2. Ben Schwartz says:

    I think you can also put Sandy Koufax on the Declared Heterosexual list. When the NY Post printed rumors to the contrary, Koufax denounced the paper, the rumors, and boycotted Dodger events until Murdoch — owner of both the paper and the Dodgers — sold the team. But, Piazza is more fun to ridicule than Koufax, so what are you going to do?

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