05.23.07

Tim Cook’s Former Home Is A No Freak Zone

Posted in Free Expression, Leave No Child Unbeaten at 12:31 pm by

“I can tell if they want to freak before they do,” says Super Dave. “So I’ll get on the mike and remind them to keep it clean, or put on some old-school stuff like MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice. It’s just a sixth sense. I know what songs to pick and what not to pick.”

The weird thing is, word for word, that’s almost exactly what I told the people at the Scoot Inn.

2 Responses to “Tim Cook’s Former Home Is A No Freak Zone”

  1. Timothy Cook says:

    RE: We all agreed that a girl bent over, touching the ground, that’s inappropriate.

    I would remind anyone who would knee-jerk to this conclusion: ‘inappropriate’ is totally in the eye of the beholder.

    BUT thanks, CSTB, you’ve come to define the major difference between my two homes: the legal ability to GRIND IT in simulated sexual congress with your dance partner at school. It seems as if there is much more allowance (craving?) for this behavior in San Francisco and this article only confirms my findings.

    And you gotta be very very careful: spinning “Kill Lou Guzzo” for any audience is just begging for dance floor dry humps. Or however the kids are obtaining their jollies these days, I mean.

  2. Ian Bagger says:

    I think this is a guy who would NOT have benefited from more permissive attitudes toward dance-floor dry-humping. I mean, who woulda done the grind with this poor schmuck, anyway?

    Moreover, I don’t know whether his punishment is wholly appropriate – I have yet to see the research confirming a relationship between jizz-laden-ranch-dressing consumption and AIDS.

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