03.25.09

TNR’s Gay on Curt Schilling: A Whale’s Vagina

Posted in Baseball at 11:44 pm by

Or…sorry? I don’t know what the official in-house CSTB policy is on references to Anchorman. While that film isn’t necessarily my favorite Adam Dunn vehicle, I enjoyed it well enough (and especially enjoyed Will Ferrell’s attempt to translate “San Diego” as the above post-colon cluster of disgusting words). And I enjoyed, too, Jason Gay’s piece in The New Republic Online comparing Curt Schilling to Anchorman hero Ron Burgundy. As was the case with the film he references, Gay’s piece is pretty well out of steam by the time it reaches its conclusion, but when it’s good, it’s quite good. For example:

Curt Schilling was baseball’s Ron Burgundy. Like Ron in his native San Di-ah-go, Schilling was a locally beloved institution–a hero in Boston, Philly, and Arizona–with a comically inflated sense of self-importance. He was a very, very good pitcher, especially in the postseason, but not an all-time great (most sportswriters think he’s a bubble candidate for the Hall of Fame). Still, when Schilling dramatically wrote in his retirement post, “Four Wosrld Series, three World Championships … there are men with plaques in Cooperstown who never experienced one,” all that was missing was that famous Ron-ism, ‘”I’m kind of a big deal.”

Over his 23-season career, Schilling often displayed raffish, Burgundy-style charms. His Yankee-taunting quote during the 2001 World Series–”When you use the words ‘mystique’ and ‘aura,’ those are dancers in a nightclub”–could have been written by Ferrell or Anchorman co-writer Adam McKay. He had enigmatic personal habits: He was a Jedi-level computer geek, with a blog and his own video gaming company; and a 2001 interview he did about his obsession with the game EverQuest may be the most awesomely nerdy sports Q&A ever (“My first foray into Lower Guk was a lot of fun. … Completing the Robe of the Lost Circle quest was a blast. … One night I log in, and there’s a 55 level monk there.”)

But Schilling mostly resembled Burgundy in that he was a first-rate blowhard, thrilled to hold forth with presumed authority on nearly any subject, as if earth was desperate for his wisdom. He’d shamelessly careen from sports to religion to politics; from his conservative heroes (John McCain, George W. Bush) to The New York Times (“A ‘left wing’ mouthpiece that has never had issues reporting ‘facts’ that aren’t, as facts.”) to Obama’s campaign trail economic plan (“There is nothing he’s proposed that is going to help me hire new employees or maintain the best health care coverage”).

One Response to “TNR’s Gay on Curt Schilling: A Whale’s Vagina”

  1. Rog says:

    Also, Schilling’s fat. He’ll look like a massive pool of vanilla pudding one day.

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