06.16.12

WARNING : Do Not Ask This Motherfucker With Balls Of Steel To Tone It Down

Posted in Free Expression, Rock Und Roll at 4:06 pm by

Q  : What do you call someone who likes to hang out with musicians? 

You could answer “Eddie Trunk” and the joke would work just as well, but “a drummer” is the preferred response.  And with all due respect to everyone out there who thinks they’re the next Robo Elvin Jones, there are few aspiring drummers who’ve sought a steady gig with quite the gusto of the gentleman who composed the following Craigslist advertisement :

I do NOT play to a click track or backing tracks and GO SCREW if you think I’m gonna “tone it down a little, bro” so you can piddle away on your stringed sissy box. I WILL NOT play hotel cafe and don’t take direction from ninnies who live in their fucking parents basement and whack off to dreams of hanging with Jack Johnson and rapping about his “process”, you piece of shit. I am a real mother fucker with balls of steel and have a drumset that loves to be ass fucked mercilessly from behind and I need to join a band who understands that stage-sex is part of the fucking game, dude. So when I’m fucking the shit outta the kit, you can’t be the guy in the corner beating your limp, taffy dick wishing that you could stick your dick in too, NO! You get that dick hard and fuck the stage with me, pussy boy. I’m so sick of stealing the show and would really love to meet some real sons of fucking bitches who aren’t afraid to use a sweat band for its intended purpose: wiping off fucking sweat, cum, groupies, pussy juice, blood, etc.

Do not write me for reasons of sass because I will FIND YOU and shred your fucking face with my SHIT-STORMING DRUM GODLINESS!

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