11.09.10

Whitlock Bashes Bosh, Does His Part For Toronto’s Chamber Of Commerce

Posted in Basketball, We Aren't The World at 12:24 pm by

Heat F Chris Bosh has averaged a mere 5.4 rebounds per game thus far in the 2010-2011 season, and Fox Sports’ Jason Whitlock is rather quick to declare Miami’s lanky free agent acquisition a bust.  Or more to the point, after a mere 7 games, Whitlock predicts that if Bosh doesn’t emerge as a physical presence down low, “Pat Riley will surely explore every option to move him and acquire a goon.” Anyone have PJ Brown’s phone number?

Is Bosh a homeless man™s Dirk Nowitzki, a perimeter big man who put up inflated scoring and rebounding numbers because when visiting NBA players cross the Canadian border they put far more effort into acquiring condoms, loonies and a strip-club champagne room than their on-court assignments?

On the NBA circuit, Toronto is White Vegas, where jungle fever is celebrated by local strippers and escorts 41 times a year. Toronto is a great city to put up numbers and build a rep.

Miami, post-The Decision, is the perfect place to get exposed.

The Heat don™t need a Big Three. Wade and James need a rebounding and defensive goon.

The Great Ones — particularly finesse players — always need a Dave Semenko. (Oh, you thought I couldn™t make a hockey analogy?)

Jordan had Oakley and Grant and Rodman. Magic had Rambis. Isiah Thomas and Joe Dumars had Bill Laimbeer, Rick Mahorn and Rodman. Kobe had Shaq and now he has Ron Artest.

Look at Boston™s œBig Three. Kevin Garnett is a trash-talking, cheap-shot-taking goon.

James and Wade could both beat up Chris Bosh. The third wheel, especially if he™s a front-court player, can™t be the softest of the trio. It won™t work. It screws up chemistry. It™s going to make the Heat vulnerable to big, strong rebounding and defensive teams.

One Response to “Whitlock Bashes Bosh, Does His Part For Toronto’s Chamber Of Commerce”

  1. Sometimes you’ll need to be a bitch so you can get things done

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