09.21.06

Whose Sex Life Is Lamer, Zach Randolph Or Will Leitch?

Posted in Basketball, History's Great Hook-Ups, Will Leitch Sucks at 9:32 pm by

The Oregonian’s Maxine Bernstein on the recent sexual assault charges filed against the Blazers’ Zach Randolph (link swiped from True Hoop) :

The investigation showed that Randolph (above) asked his “occasional sex partner” and another woman whom he had not met before to perform a simulated sex show at the hotel room. There was some discrepancy as to whether or not Randolph asked the women to perform oral sex, but there was no dispute that sex was only simulated in the show that was performed, Rees wrote in the memo.

The woman who filed the complaint said Randolph was disappointed that the show had only simulated sex and refused to pay her. After the show, she said, she had consensual sex with Randolph’s friend and then fell asleep or “passed out.” She claimed she awoke and found Randolph trying to have anal sex with her. She told investigators she awoke and “slapped” Randolph away twice. Ultimately, she told police that Randolph lifted her onto a table and had sex with her while she shook her head “no,” the memo says.Prosecutors said the woman admitted she was extremely intoxicated, having had three cocktails and three double shots of tequila — alcohol purchased by Randolph.

The other woman involved in the show told investigators she did not witness any sex between Randolph and the complainant, saying she was physically ill and spent about 21/2 hours in the bathroom.

A male friend of Randolph’s was in the room and was interviewed by detectives. He described himself as a member of the “Hoop Family,” one of Randolph’s close associates. He said he “frequently sexually shares women” with Randolph but denied any knowledge of money passing between Randolph and the women that night.

Observed the Spicy Crunchwrap Supreme Eating Motherfucker, “it makes the supposedly glorious life of an NBA star sound boozy, drowsy and extremely unhappy. And pathetic, from all sides.”

Perhaps. But we all have our own ways of defining unhappy and pathetic.

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